anxiety.

yesterday, a little man sat on my chest all day.
he wouldn't let me breathe and made my heart skip around real fast. but, i woke up this morning and he is gone.
and i am very happy about that.
i can now breathe and my heart beats (pretty) regular again.
he was never welcome, and now he is gone.
hallelujah. praise ya Jesus.

Erin ever After: The Bee's Knees of Canada

ideas...

Erin ever After: The Bee's Knees of Canada: "this wedding might go down in history as the cutest ever. Seriously eating up the school chairs and the lovely DIY menagerie. Images cou..."

saw this on Erin Ever After's blog. How cute is this whole wedding?! love the bright colors and home-like feel to it all.
definitely will bookmark it in my mind.

harry potter is keeping me up.

oh, harry.

your adventures are exciting. your bravery inspires me. your loyalty delights me.

oh, harry.
-- a poem, by: briley hayden

harry potter and i have become very good friends this summer. he is some kind of guy, i'll tell you. and if you haven't shared any adventures with him, i suggest you do very soon, because his quest is soon coming to an end, but you can always catch up later if you so choose.

i've made it my goal to read every book and watch every movie this summer. i made it through the first two pretty quickly and now i'm a little stuck on the third. don't get me wrong, he's still just as fascinating, it's just that i have been pulled away outside of hogwarts to get some non-magic work accomplished.

i have two weeks to reach my goal. ohh boy, harry.

growing older, growing wiser

the past two days i have had the privilege of spending the evening with my lovely grandparents.
last night, my dad's parents (grandma and grandpa) came over and my mom and i cooked dinner for them to celebrate my grandma's birthday. it was a lovely time of food, conversation, and laughs.

i snapped this picture of my grandma as we were singing happy birthday to her. i love how happy she looks. :) seen here with her very own custom banana split cake built by me and mom. deeelicious.


and tonight i got to hang out with my mom's parent (poppie and gg). love them so very, VERY much.

it's funny how different they are as sets of grandparents, but share similarities in the sense that they have so much life knowledge and wonderful stories. i love hearing stories about my parents growing up and all the ridiculous things they did. or life even before they were born, as young kids and all of their own adventures.

my poppie grew up in the hills of kentucky and he was quite a plethora of stories that he likes to pull out and entertain us with, or many a time, teach us a life lesson. he is BY FAR the most fascinating man i know.

here's a picture Britty took last year with her film camera for her photography class. one of my favorite pictures ever.


okay. precious, right?

today i went to lunch with friends, Natalie, Lynne, and Janae. we sat around at Pei Wei for literally 3 hours just sitting around and catching up. one of the subjects we stumbled upon was our crazy grandparents. as much as we love our granparents, they're just crazy, right? lynne and janae's grandpa goes to the donut store every morning to get his coffee and donuts. he has to go every morning. and now that he comes in every morning they only charge him $1. okay, how cool is that. i decided that when i get old, i want to be crazy. like going to the donut store every morning, or wearing ridiculous outfits, or buying enormous amounts of everything, just so that i'll have it. i don't think i'll resort to the typical eating-cat- food-crazy-old-lady syndrome. i think that'd be too expected.

one thing i do know for sure is that i want to grow old and grow wise. i want to be filled with stories and be able to pass them along. i want to grow into a godly woman, who is respected for my dedication to the Lord. and when it's time to meet Him, i want Him to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

it is 2:36 am and i am still awake.

i am berrry tired. but, before i go to bed, i wanted to share my favorite youtube video:



and to make it EVEN BETTER: ASIAN MUFFINS!



my brothers and i can not get enough.

sometimes i have doubts.

don't we all?

i worry. am i okay? is my family okay? money. health. relationships.

i am a worry-wart. i admit it. and most of the time it gets the best of me, resulting to a heap on the floor, an angry mess, or some foul sort of word flying out of my mouth.

i worry about my relationship with the Lord. am i doing it right? was i really saved? do i really believe all of this?

tonight i was reading the blog of my mother's dear cousin and read through the trials she faced this year as she lost her husband to a heart-attack. i wept, reading through her accounts from the day that he died in the cold winter through the spring and into the summer, all of her daily blogs full of the Lord's grace upon her life. the way that she coped with his death, mourning and also celebrating the life that he had, all the while thanking the Lord.
it was incredible to read through. such evidence that the Lord is certainly alive and working and moving among us. in death and in life. He moves with purpose. He heals with immeasurable, un-bounding grace.

any doubts that i had at that moment, suddenly melted away. who cares if my car is falling apart? who cares that i don't have a job, while certainly needing one?

all just things that are a drop in the bucket, compared to the abundance and fullness of life that the Lord brings.

we are not called to live comfortable lives. a lesson i must remind myself EVERYday and even a fight i went through with the Lord today, because sometimes i convince myself that i am not living a comfortable life. who am i kidding? as i sat there wallowing about my car going to shambles (okay, so the door wouldn't open for a second, and the wind-shield is cracked), the Lord reminded me of how much i have to be grateful for. reminding me that my car runs perfectly fine, getting from point a to point b, but it was my pride that needed a bit of fine-tuning.

and to bring it all together tonight, i read this blog. and through the tears, i saw a glimpse of the bigger picture. those moments, just a brief second, when you can see the eternal view on things. sometimes that i rarely see, but so refreshing and breath-taking that it's enough to change my attitude 180 degrees.

it's not about me. and it has never been about me.

old text messages.

does anyone else ever go through their old text messages?
last night while laying in bed i went through what seemed like a thousand pages of old text messages. it was really funny, like reading through one of my old journals or something. and God Bless the iPhone because it saves all past messages, unless you decide to delete them. which i have many a time. too much going on inside that phone!
it was fun to reminisce on the past year. reflect on how much i've grown as a person, since this exact time last year.
last year, i was just a worried girl about to start a life in a whole new place. full of doubt, unsure of who i really was, and not even aware that i didn't know who i was.
as i stand here, a year older, i still don't completely know who i am, but i see the person i'm becoming. i haven't even written on here about my completely amazing first half of the summer at Pine Cove (i think that just reflects how horrible i am at keeping up with blogging, because like i said, completely amazing). while at Pine Cove, in good ol' Tyler, TX, the Lord worked in my life in ways that i never could've imagined even just days before arriving at the Ranch. i was hesitant the whole time before leaving. scared that i wouldn't be able to physically and emotionally stand 7 weeks at camp outside of my comfort zone. no phone. no computer. no comfy bed. "what am i getting myself into?"
one of the texts i read last night was way back in december between me and my dear friend, Jenna-Leigh. i was telling her my concerns and hesitations with going to Pine Cove, saying that i already wasn't sure if i wanted to go... already worrying about months into the future. she calmly assured me that i was chosen for a reason to work there. and i still thought, what if it was a mistake? the hesitation didn't quit until i got to camp for the first week of training camp, even crying to my sister and Megan the night before we were supposed to report at camp. i remember packing to leave, Brit and i were supposed to be at Megan's house in Longview at around 4 to hang out until Sunday. we were still in Aledo at 4 and i was sitting on my bed, playing on the computer. Britt kept coming to see me, already completely packed, and gently asking me when i was going to pack. i just kept sitting there. i thought, maybe if i don't pack, i won't have to go. it didn't work. after many tears, i stuffed my plastic tub with clothes and shoes for 2 months and resentfully threw it into the back of our car.

turns out, i LOVE Pine Cove. and i think many who have worked or camped at PC would have to agree. why do we love Pine Cove? many (myself once included) think that Pine Cove is some kind of cult-ish camp where people dress similarly and do annoying, high-energy cheers. true, though not clarified why. we are jumping up and down constantly for the name of Christ.(NEVER STOP JUMPING!) and why not? it's been working for Pine Cove for the past some-odd years and until the Lord says stop, i feel sure it's going to continue to work. i saw countless 6th and 7th graders accept Christ into their lives over the course of 5 weeks at camp. every Friday night we had camper share, a time where campers could stand up among all of their camping peers and outwardly announce an important decision they had made or lesson that had learned during the week. though some a little laughable, it was undeniably amazing the kids that would stand up and profess that they had Christ now living inside of them. everyone would stand up and go crazy, celebrating and rejoicing with them. such a joyous time, not only for us, but i'm sure heaven.

Pine Cove is a place that you grow immensely in your relationship in the Lord. Stretched and tested, flustered and dirty. it doesn't sound ideal in any sense, but it is the most incredible 7 week experience i've ever been through. everyone is pushing toward one constant goal, and that is to let the name of the Lord be known. everything from cleaning dishes for the zillionth time, to acting in ridiculous skits, to jumping constantly up and down during CLUB, to having heartfelt one-on-one's with campers. it's for the glory of the incredible, powerful Lord. some say that it is the closest the we will ever be to heaven while on Earth. not because of the waterfall showers or down-feather beds, or as we all know the ever-so-tasty Sysco gourmet meals (i kid, i kid), but because it is the place you become closest to the Lord. everything is about Him. He is incorporated in the morning as we rise, activity classes as we teach kids to lean on the wires of High Ropes like the Lord, lunch as we give Him thanks, and Club as we celebrate Him by dancing. He is acknowledged EVERYWHERE, as He should be.

and you know what? even as i sit here and think about how sticky and nasty i was pulling the ladder over and over on high ropes, and how tiring it got, i absolutely can't wait to go back.